Let it Go.. Let it Go!

Before I was a teacher, I worked so many random jobs that I lost count. I catered, worked fast food, construction, and did the dreaded customer service job at a call center. Let me tell you, even before smartphones and internet, there were Karens and Kevins aplenty. I have always been a hard worker (thanks mom!) and have worked my way quickly up the ladder of command. My biggest memory was working at the call center and having a guy yell at me because HE wasn’t on the internet and his ONLINE course wasn’t working. I explained over and over that I thought he wasn’t connected to the internet by what he saw on his screen, but insisted I was an idiot. I was on the verge of tears when I put him on hold for my superior. My superior de-escalated it and sent him on his way. I was amazed at the ease in which she did this. We talked and was given great advice that has carried over to teaching.

1. It's not personal to them, so why is it to you?

Students like to go against teachers and authority. It’s just how it is sometimes. They have other things in their lives that they are forced to deal with, and it’s not about you or your class. It’s about controlling something since everything else in their life is out of control. It’s about being able to have a say (even if it’s a ”no!” to you) because everyone at home doesn’t let them have a say in anything. All you can do sometimes is to try and help a student that doesn’t want to be helped. They yell at you. They claim you are an idiot, fat, stupid, etc. etc. They lie about you. They do everything they can to harm you in whatever way they know how. And yes, we do take it personally. We can’t NOT take it personally when students behave this way. You can dislike that student and their behavior. You can request a student be removed from your class. There is no excuse in the world that will excuse the abuse of a teacher. However, try not to take it personally in a way that affects you after the moment is over. We had a teacher who had a minor scuffle in their classroom last year. One student hit another student across the head with a pencil pouch. The teacher called admin and students were going crazy when they got there. The student was calling the teacher and other student all sorts of names even as they got escorted out. The teacher took it personally and was inconsolable. She had to leave early that day and basically could not get past it with that class. The rest of the year, she would lash out to the students and they picked up on it quickly. This lead to a sort of power struggle that lasted until they moved on. Try to remember, it’s not about you. Hate the behavior. Absolutely stand up for yourself. Do not take abuse, but try to let it go once the situation is resolved. It’s hard to do, and we can’t always do it, but you will be better off if you can get to the point where these incidents are put behind you the moment you exit the building.

2. Agree, Agree, Agree!

The second piece of advice she gave me was to agree with everything. At the end of the day, it’s about de-escalating the situation before it gets worse. I had a very angry parent that had yelled at each teacher on our team. Their son constantly disrupted class and (in my opinion) was a border line sociopath. They were constantly hearing all the issues and took everything personally like we were telling her that she was a bad parent. Honestly, she was doing everything she could, but he needed more help than she could give. It was something that (we found out later) she finally admitted and sent him to a program that really helped him and allowed him to heal from his trauma. I had heard stories and the other teachers hated her and her son for the way she treated them. He really was a piece of work, but when I called her, I started with something positive. She began ranting and I listened for a long while as she poured out her frustrations. Then to her surprise, I agreed with her! I took as much as I could professionally and agreed with what she was upset with. I even told her that we had dealt with the same thing with one of my cousins and I understood her frustration. I went as far as commending her as a parent because this situation was so stressful, I didn’t see how she wasn’t already crazy. After that, I gently told her the same things, but laid it out in a way of “I tried this, but it didn’t work” and “I’m sure you tried the same thing at home and it didn’t work. Do you have any suggestions for this behavior?” and by the end of the call, I had a plan of action with the parent on board. It’s difficult to do and you can’t always agree with something the parent says, but if you can, do it! Sometimes, it’s all it takes to get someone on your side.

3. Remember, It will be over soon

If all else fails, remember that in most cases you at least get to send the student on his/her way and start again next year. If that means you have sit that student away from you, keep them away from students, call for support every day, and even have an admin come sit next to them for the class period, so be it. Remember that it’s not you, it’s them. You are a professional that know what you are doing. This too shall pass and the best revenge is letting that student know that they do not affect you. You are above it and although you are there to teach, you are not there to take their crap. They will leave the year knowing that no matter what they did, they were not infamous by making break. They did not get the same rise they did from others. Lastly, keep hope that one day you will have the pleasure in seeing this student out and pretending you don't know them or even better, call them the wrong name. There's nothing better than seeing that realization that they were not as much of a legend as the student thought.